I have this issue with perfection. I am a deep-rooted perfectionist through and through. I admit it. When I sat down to write this blog, no matter how hard I tried to write about me being just a “compartmentalized perfectionist”, every example I came up with showed me to be a perfectionist in the worst way… Ugh.
For example; when I’m decorating for Christmas, the decorations have to be just so. I will arrange and rearrange until my eye for interior design is content. When the grandgirls come over and move stuff around on the tree, I am determined to leave it in its unbalanced state because they were so cute while doing it. After they’ve gone home I sit there and look at it repeatedly telling myself “just leave it, Janie!’ But within minutes there I am up at the tree putting the ornaments back in their calculated place.
I also do this with events I host. Everything has to be just right for a party; the food must be a nice variety, a little bit of something for everyone. The decorations must be strategically placed to give each room that party feel. There must be a variety to drink and lots of music, candles lit, and of course games! Sometimes I have so much planned that my kids become irritated with me and just want to go out on the deck and chill. (How dare they be such party poopers…)
I’m also a perfectionist when it comes to buying gifts. I will go to store after store searching for just the right thing for each person. I may not even have any idea what I’m going to get them, but I’ll know it when I see it! This is very time consuming, so when I am putting together our holiday month of events I always have to factor in several days just for shopping.
I also do this with my looks. Yikes, I hate to admit it, but if I go to the store and run into someone I haven’t seen for a long time I quickly do an assessment of what I am wearing, how’s my hair and I better put my lipstick on before I approach them.
It’s exhausting keeping up this perfectionism. I run myself ragged trying to keep the house clean, the muddy footprints off the kitchen floor and the Christmas pillows fluffed on the sofa.
My perfectionism goes beyond decorating and events. It affects people negatively as well. I am reminded of a time when I had been down for several months with a bad back. We had just bought a new home and it was time to move into it. I could not do any of the packing on account of my back, so a couple of girlfriends came over and packed up all of our stuff. One of them said a comment upon completion that has stayed with me; “Janie, you always have everything so together, it is nice to finally have the opportunity to do something for you.” Ouch! My perfectionism was even making others feel less capable.
I could go on and on with different scenarios where my perfectionism takes hold and is actually perfectly irritating; to others possibly, but to me for sure!
In reviewing the effects of my meticulous behavior, I have come to this conclusion – being perfect isn’t perfect at all. Things don’t have to be perfect to be enjoyed. Some of the best times we have had have been when an impromptu meeting of friends led to dinner, or a vacation where we just hopped in the car and drove, no plan, no destination, just togetherness, or when random people happened to show up at the house at the same time and we had an evening of visiting and Christmas cheer – spontaneously. (I’m sure I rummaged around and brought out a few snacks though.) I can’t recall a time I ever went to a party at someone else’s home where I valued how things looked over the love and hospitality of the host or hostess.
My husband always tells me how much he loves me and that in his eyes I am perfect. I know what that means; I am perfect to him because he has a perfect love for me. It’s not because everything I do is perfect, by a long shot. I feel that way about him too. I also feel that way about my kids…I know they aren’t perfect, but I love them perfectly. What I am learning is the imperfections in me gives others opportunity to love me, to use their unique gifts to harmonize with mine. It gives them opportunity to show me they care. It makes others feel good, when I am not perfect.
So this holiday season I am giving myself permission to drop a few balls, (figuratively.) I’m going to be happy when I unexpectedly run into someone at the grocery store this holiday season, even if I don’t have my make-up and hair done. I am going to let the grandgirls rearrange the tree next time they are over and I’m going to leave it. And I’m going to let others do things for me instead of me doing it all.
My perfectionism starting TODAY is going to change! Case in point… Today is actually the 7th day of Advent and I am just now publishing Day 6. (However, I’ll probably burn the midnight-oil getting the 7th day blog done too so I don’t fall behind. Darn… there I go again… )
A beautiful sight, we’re happy tonight, walking in a winter wonderland…
The Crystal Heart 
I never thought of you as being a perfectionist. But as I look into my past memories, maybe you are OR maybe you just have a vision in your mind of what you want things to be like, to look like, to feel like. Then again, maybe you suffer from a little Obsessive-compulsive disorder? 😉
As children we learn about the world constantly and we learn to love and loath things we are taught and things we see.
As adults I find that we try to make the world, our immediate surroundings, into what we want it to be. Sometimes we over-reach with this desire and try to influence other people’s actions and behaviors. This is where the “perfectionist” go wrong!
I’ve never thought of you as a perfectionist when it comes to people. I think you’ve always accepted people for who they are and you find joy in them and love them with all their imperfections.
There’s noting wrong with wanting things to be perfect. I think we get this desire from our creator. He wants to have a perfect relationship with us. I think we could learn from Him in that He accepts less than perfect. He loves us, He forgives us, He teaches us and He never gives up on us because one day we will have that perfect relationship – if not in this world, in Heaven with Him…
Perfectly said!